Who doesn't like a difficult conversation?
Difficult conversations are never easy but they are necessary. I learned early in my leadership career that avoiding conflict with others only leads to long-term stress. Left unchecked, it begins to lay the foundation of an unhealthy work place.
Having a difficult conversation with a team member can be uncomfortable for both people involved.
Keeping these 5 points in mind can help make it easier.
1. Show empathy. Empathy is not the same as sympathy. Empathy is our ability to relate to but not share in their sorrow.
For example…A team member is struggling to balance their workload and prioritize their time. Your conversation may sound like this. “I know the demands on the job have increased. I can relate to your level of stress and difficulty in managing it all. I appreciate everything you have done thus far.”
The team member feels validated because you openly acknowledged the change in their workload and the stress that comes with it. It shows you care.
2. Call out the problem. This is the difference in empathy and sympathy. The opening statement recognized the challenges and the follow up statement acknowledges how your team member is responding to the challenges.
“I know the demands on the job have increased. I can relate to your level of stress and difficulty in managing it all. I appreciate everything you have done thus far. With all we have to manage, it is important that we prioritize what is due now, what you need to complete and what others can complete. You have fallen behind on your reports and they have been late the last 2 times.
Delivering feedback is uncomfortable so lingering the conversation only builds up emotions and opens the door for the conversation to become personal instead of professional. Be direct and clear on what the problem is.
3. Assume good intentions. I believe everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt (at least the first time). If a team member is not meeting expectations, I assume, yes I said assume, they are not doing so intentionally. Giving a team member the benefit of the doubt can help open the door for trust and allow them to receive your feedback.
I know the demands on the job have increased. I can relate to your level of stress and difficulty in managing it all. I appreciate everything you have done thus far. With all we have to manage, it is important that we prioritize what is due now, what you need to complete and what others can complete. You have fallen behind on your reports and they have been late the last 2 times. I know it is not your intention to miss deadlines so I owe it you to bring this to your attention.
4. Do not accept responsibility. It is easy for managers to jump the gun and come up with a plan to fix the problem. Resist the urge and ASK your team member what they need from you. Be prepared for their answer and ready to talk through solutions. Even if their answer is, “I don’t know”.
I know the demands on the job have increased. I can relate to your level of stress and difficulty in managing it all. I appreciate everything you have done thus far. With all we have to manage, it is important that we prioritize what is due now, what you need to complete and what others can complete. You have fallen behind on your reports and they have been late the last 2 times. I know it is not your intention to miss deadlines so I owe it you to bring this to your attention. How can I help you?
5. Pause and wait for their response. Our team members need to hear we are there to help. Offering your help does not mean you own the problem. It does not mean you have to come up with a plan to fix the problem alone. It DOES mean you are there to help your employee identify the problem and lead them toward a solution.
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